So I’ve decided to write about something that has been playing on my mind lately. Truth be told I’m incredibly broody.

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Me and Ste have four children between us but none together. We haven’t really spoken about whether or not we want anymore but it’s a conversation, like any couple, we will need to have at some point.

I’ve always wanted another baby, and if I had no health problems it would be something I would go for without question. My illnesses, unfortunately, have to be considered. I have to come off some of my medications so things have to be planned a bit in advance. Doctors have to be consulted. Things have to be closely monitored. Not quite the spontaneous and natural way you would hope for!

On Friday I’m going to see my GP about starting to decrease my steroids. This has been a long time coming, after being on them none stop for six years. I don’t plan on ever using them again if possible, but know if I was flaring while pregnant it is one of the things they would put me on to help. I wonder whether doing that last bit of decreasing and coming off them is worth it till after I have made a decision. If I was to try and get pregnant, maybe it would be worth continuing on them and then weaning off after having the baby.  I know there have been more and more success stories with people using anti-tnf medication safely during a pregnancy so I would possibly be allowed to continue with this. My methotrexate however, is a big no no during pregnancy and I would need to stop taking it at least three months before even starting to try for a baby.

Aside from two successful pregnancies with the boys, I’ve also had three miscarriages. These obviously devastated me and to this day, those babies remain in my thoughts. The possibility of more is obviously very concerning and I’m not sure how I would cope with that should it happen again. As a side note, this month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and I send my love and best wishes out to anyone who has also gone through this. Anybody wanting a chat is free to message the page to talk to me, anytime.

Another factor would be my age. I know there are many women getting pregnant who are much older than me but as my body is already riddled with arthritis I often feel older than my years physically. If I were to plan another pregnancy it would be something I needed to think about sooner rather than later with regards to this.

When you are feeling broody it feels like babies and pregnancies are popping up EVERYWHERE! Kate and William are having another one, Kim and Kanye have hired a surrogate and I’ve seen soooo many Facebook announcements of baby arrivals and pregnancy news lately that I have lost count.  I absolutely loved being pregnant and even though my pregnancy with Riley wasn’t great, it was a time I uniquely enjoyed. To experience that once more, and be able to enjoy it knowing it would be the last time I was doing it, would really help put the struggle of whether or not to have more to rest. It would be far easier to say I was done with babies after enjoying a ‘last’ pregnancy.

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There’s also the question of me and Ste having a baby we made together. Our kids mean the world to us. But I would probably describe the feeling as one of almost jealousy – that two other women got to have this amazing experience with him and they share something that me and him don’t have. And possibly never will. To have your partner’s baby is something special and I would love to have a baby with Ste.

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After the stressful last few months I am currently trying to focus on myself and move forwards. I’m trying to rebuild my confidence and bring back ‘me’. Although I’m feeling rather broody, it isn’t something I would want to do right now. Focusing on me, on Ste and our relationship and enjoying our children is what I need to do right now. These questions won’t go away though and is something I will have to think seriously about in time.

How many children do you have? Are you ‘finished’? And if so, how did you arrive at that decision? Would be great to hear some of your experiences in the comments.

Burnished Chaos

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Cuddle Fairy

8 thoughts on “When Do You Know You Are ‘Done’?

  1. This is such a beautiful honest post babe. For me I thought I was done after Ra-Ra, I had a horrible pregnancy with undiagnosed pouchitis. It took two more years to change my mind about having more. 2 was always the limit 00Steve and I spoke about. Halfway through my pregnancy with Jacob I knew I couldn’t have any more after him for my own personal reasons. As you know I was sterilised to prevent further pregnancies but the fear that came with that was horrific. What if I lost one of my babies? Not that you can replace a child but I wouldn’t be able to have more. The pain I still suffer now and then from my miscarriage before Jacob didn’t help with the fear. I in fact told Jacob today that I didn’t realise my life wasn’t complete until he arrived and now it is perfect (well with a Jenson shaped hole it in – he was our Newfoundland we had to rehome due to the severity of my illness prior to surgery) love you princess xxx

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    1. Thankyou lovely, just a lot to think about isn’t it! I can understand after a hard pregnancy those feelings of not wanting to go through it again, at least for a while! If I hadn’t lost the first pregnancy I wouldn’t have had Riley though which I try to focus on xx

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  2. This is lovely to read hun. I think when you really want something you should go for it but of course firstly you need to think of yourself and your body. I woudlnt worry about the age hun as you still very young but I do understand that at times we feel much older cuz our body and the drugs
    Im 35 in 9 days and we have no kids yet at all. In fact we have been told that we might never have one unless we do ivf/icsi which will cost lots of money, stress and maybe even huge disappointment so we not sure if we going to go for it. It’s hard decision to take but our faith keeps us going and God has the last word❤
    Whatever you decide hun I’m sure it will be the right decision and I wish you all the best x

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    1. Thankyou lovely. I feel very lucky to have the boys and Layla, and almost guilty for wanting more still when there are people out there who can’t have any. It’s just what I love doing and I feel I’m good at – being a Mummy! I wish you the very best of luck with your journey, you two would make excellent parents xx

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      1. You should never feel guilty hun. Children are blessings and you two are wonderful people who deserves all the best . Plus they will be so pretty 😁😀😙

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  3. We always wanted a big family, like 5 or 6 kids. Despite starting trying at 24 it was a long hard road and a miscarriage before having our first child at 29, then a further 4 miscarriages and an ectopic before giving birth to our second at 34. My husband had already said he couldn’t cope with the heartbreak of trying for anymore and I understood and agreed but knew part of me would probably get broody again and want to try despite the heartbreak. As it happened the scar from my first c-section started to rupture during the birth of my second (thankfully I was already on the operating table at the time) so I was advised it would be too risky to have anymore or I could not only lose the baby but also my own life, which wouldn’t be fair on the children I already have. A lot of people would have been devastated, for good reason, but for me it was like a weight being lifted. After ten years on an emotional rollercoaster I was getting off and it helped me focus on what I already had instead of worrying about the future. Knowing she was my last allowed me to enjoy every moment and gave me closure.
    It sounds to me like you are going into this with your eyes wide open in terms of what it may take and if it’s what you both want then go for it. Knowing a child is your last definitely helps bring closure and makes everything feel complete. Wishing you all the best whatever your decision.
    Thank you for joining #FamilyFunLinky x

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