My mental health has definitely taken a downward turn the last couple of weeks. I’ve been struggling with fatigue and insomnia (not the best combination), sore joints and lots of personal things.
Recognising you are in a downward spiral can be helpful but it’s not necessarily as easy as that to start feeling better. I could feel the hole I was in but couldn’t see a way out to starting to feel like myself again. It’s literally like you are sinking and can’t do anything about it apart from hang on and hope everything starts to pick up.
Slowly I’m starting to feel a little better. Yesterday was a slightly brighter day and I am taking that positive and trying to move forward with it. I did go to see my GP last week and she has put my antidepressants up, but it could take a few weeks for me to see the effect of that. Talking to good friends and with Ste has helped me no end this past few days. I feel so lucky I have people I can turn to and trust with my feelings. I often go quiet when I am not doing well, but talking things through really does help. Getting advice, other people’s opinion on a situation or just support and sympathy can be immensely helpful.
And so to last night, me sat on the sofa with a glass of wine watching Katy Perry at Glastonbury. I remembered when me and a friend said we would get to Glastonbury one year and feel a little sad we never have. After the last few weeks and indeed, years I’ve had I decided that I needed to start doing some of these things I’ve always wanted to do. So I started my bucket list. I think it will be something I continue to add to but I think this is a good start and gives me some goals to focus on in the short and long term.
1 – GO TO A FESTIVAL. It doesn’t necessarily have to be Glastonbury, maybe the Isle Of Wight or V. My main worry has always been hygiene and now with a stoma that could be even harder but I think for one weekend I could cope and fingers crossed Stanley would behave!
2 – PLACES TO VISIT – Paris, Rome, Venice, New York (New York Public Library, Botanical Gardens), Pompeii, Northern Lights, Hawaii, Palais De Versailles, National Library of the Girolamini in Naples
3 – SEE COLDPLAY LIVE
4 – GO TO THE LAST NIGHT AT THE PROMS
5 – GRADUATE
6 – ‘PERFECT’ WEDDING – Not necessarily the perfect ceremony but a perfect day just about the two of you
7 – KISS IN THE POURING RAIN – Too many films watched! A la Four Weddings and a Funeral, Pearl Harbour…
8 – CONTINUE WITH BLOGGING/THE SHOW – Keep trying to positively help, encourage and inspire others
9 – HELP THE BOYS SEE AS MANY PLACES AND HAVE AS MANY EXPERIENCES AS POSSIBLE
10 – OWN A PAIR OF MANOLO BLAHNIK SHOES – Yes I am a HUGE SATC fan!
11 – SEE WEST SIDE STORY ON STAGE – Please, please, please bring it to the West End!
12 – GO PUNTING IN CAMBRIDGE WITH KIRSTY – We planned to once and never did it but really still want to go
13 – GO HORSERIDING – Haven’t been since I was younger
14 – GET A BEAUTIFUL TEAPOT AND TEACUPS/SAUCERS ET AND TRY DIFFERENT TEAS
15 – GET THE TATTOOS I WANT – One around stoma, one for the boys on my back and one on my foot
16 – OWN LOTS OF PETS – Chickens, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs, tortoises and I would like a pig
17 – LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE
18 – LEARN FRENCH
19 – SLEEP UNDER THE STARS
20 – WATCH A SUNRISE AND A SUNSET WITH STE
21 – GET SOME SAVINGS BEHIND ME
22 – WRITE A BOOK
23 – DO A GIRAFFE EXPERIENCE AT A ZOO
So that’s what I have come up with for now and I will try and update you as and when I complete things. Do you have a bucket list? Let me know in the comments below what is on yours or maybe if this inspires you to write one!
And remember always, when you feel like you are sinking the best thing to do is to talk to someone. It’s a hard step but really the best way to start feeling brighter. My inbox is open, as always, for anyone needing a chat.